Escaping the Loop of Chemical Highs

“Recovery isn’t a finish line—it’s a path we choose each day, even with trembling hands and a flickering heart. The light is not in escaping the dark, but in learning to walk through it with grace.” – Julius C.

When we talk about addiction and depression, it’s easy to default to data, symptoms, or treatment options. But here, I want to do something else—something real. I want to speak from the raw, unedited part of me that lived through it. This is not advice from a podium; it’s a journal entry from the pit—and how I climbed out.

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Why Chemical Highs Lure Us So Deep

As someone living with depression, I understand the pull of substances. They’re not just a vice—they’re a visitation of relief. The first time I tried it, I felt something I hadn’t in years: happiness. Not the generic kind, but a tidal wave of light crashing into a life that had known only shadows. For people like us, that rush isn’t just dopamine—it feels like salvation.

And that’s where the danger begins.

1. “Finally Feeling Alive”

If you’ve never lived with emotional numbness, it’s hard to explain. Drugs give the illusion of joy—an emotional homecoming we never thought possible.

Neuroimaging studies show that individuals with depression often have dysregulated dopamine pathways, especially in the mesolimbic reward system, which governs feelings of pleasure and motivation (Nestler & Carlezon, 2006). When drugs artificially elevate these chemicals, the contrast feels life-changing—even addictive.

2. The Mind Is the True Addict

The body can detox. But what about the memories? Or the emotions tied to the high? They linger like a song you can’t forget. We’re not just chasing a feeling—we’re chasing the memory of a feeling.

Research confirms that addiction is more than just a physiological dependency. It involves intense learning and memory processes, where emotional experiences tied to the high become embedded as powerful cues (Everitt & Robbins, 2016). These triggers can hijack rational thinking.

3. Treating the Symptom, Not the System

Treating a substance abuser with depression like any other addict misses the mark. The pain that led us there isn’t the same, and neither is the path out.

A study in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment emphasized that comorbid depression significantly increases the complexity of addiction treatment (Kelly et al., 2012). Standard approaches miss the root cause when they ignore the emotional void that led to substance use.

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How I Found My Way Back

I didn’t do it alone. That’s the first truth. I was held by the quiet courage of my family and friends who chose love over judgement. Here’s what helped me escape the loop—and maybe, it can help someone else too.

1. Seek Support, Strategically

Accept that this is bigger than you. Loop in your trusted people, but be clear about what you need—support, not surveillance. Make guidelines together and adjust as you go.

Recovery thrives in community. Support networks reduce relapse risk significantly (Laudet et al., 2006). But not all help is helpful. You need people who listen, not lecture—those who collaborate on boundaries, not control your choices.

2. Do Not Be Alone (for 12 Months)

The risk of relapse is highest in solitude. Don’t test your willpower during recovery. Be with people. Let yourself be seen, even if you say nothing.

Isolation is a relapse accelerator. In early recovery, even minor stressors can trigger cravings. Studies show that the first year is the most vulnerable, with 60% of relapses occurring in this period (Sinha, 2011). Build a life where someone is always near—not to watch, but to witness.

3. Ease Up on Your Life

Stop overachieving your way through healing. Recovery isn’t productivity. Give yourself at least one or two months of slow living. Then, create a gentle daily routine and stick to it.

Trauma researcher Dr. Bessel van der Kolk notes that trauma and depression disconnect us from the body’s natural rhythms (2014). Overloading yourself in early recovery only deepens dysregulation. Rest is not laziness. It’s restoration.

4. Sleep, Religiously

Sleep is not a luxury—it’s your medicine. Get in bed before midnight. Don’t stare at your phone. Even if you’re awake, stay in bed and let your nervous system rest.

Sleep is vital in stabilizing mood and repairing cognitive function. Sleep deprivation is strongly correlated with increased risk of relapse in depressive and substance-using populations (Walker & van der Helm, 2009). Treat your bedtime as sacred. Sleep hygiene is recovery hygiene.

5. Reflect and Rediscover Purpose

Look at your past with kind eyes. Accept the missteps. Ask what you can now do for others. Find meaning in acts, not ambition. For me, it’s writing—to offer light in someone’s darkness.

Depression feeds on purposelessness. Viktor Frankl wrote that those who have a “why” can endure almost any “how” (Frankl, 1959). My “why” became writing—not for fame, but for hope. Even one reader helped means I’ve made use of my second chance.

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Still Flickering, Still Here

I won’t sugarcoat it. The lure is still there. Some nights, it whispers. But I’ve learned to whisper back with love, not shame. As Friedrich Nietzsche once wrote:

“If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”

And I have. But I also found the stars reflected in it.

So this chapter closes not with triumph, but truth: ✨ I am healing. Not healed. And that is enough.

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💬 Join the Conversation

Your voice matters. If this story touched you, please comment below, share with someone who may need it, or subscribe to support future writings. You never know whose life you may save by doing so.

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📘 eBook Readers, Revisit These Chapters

This blog ties into Chapters 2, 4, 6, and 10 from Depression – A Self-Help Guide. If you found this blog meaningful, the full guide offers deeper insight, grounded tools, and lived stories.

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🙏 Support My Work

If this series helped you or someone you care about, consider making a small donation to keep these conversations going. Healing is free—but creating healing spaces isn’t. Every bit of support helps.

🕊️ [Buy Me a Coffee] – Because creating light in dark spaces takes energy, time, and heart.

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🔮 Upcoming Blog (July Series: Hope & Friendship)

“The Hope Beneath the Hurt: Finding Needs in Despair”

Before we can find hope, we must first understand what we truly need—not what we desire. This blog explores how unmet needs manifest in depression and how identifying them can illuminate the path to healing.

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Key Citations:

• Nestler, E.J., & Carlezon, W.A. (2006). The mesolimbic dopamine reward circuit in depression. Biological Psychiatry, 59(12), 1151-1159.
• Everitt, B.J., & Robbins, T.W. (2016). Drug addiction: updating actions to habits to compulsions ten years on. Annual Review of Psychology, 67, 23-50.
• Kelly, T.M., Daley, D.C., & Douaihy, A.B. (2012). Treatment of substance abusing patients with comorbid psychiatric disorders. Addictive Behaviors, 37(1), 11-24.
• Laudet, A.B., Becker, J.B., & White, W.L. (2006). Don’t wanna go through that madness no more: quality of life satisfaction as predictor of sustained remission from illicit drug misuse. Substance Use & Misuse, 41(3), 313-327.
• Sinha, R. (2011). New findings on biological factors predicting addiction relapse vulnerability. Current Psychiatry Reports, 13(5), 398-405.
• Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.
• Walker, M.P., & Van Der Helm, E. (2009). Overnight therapy? The role of sleep in emotional brain processing. Psychological Bulletin, 135(5), 731.
• Frankl, V.E. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.